Zombies by the Sea – Excerpt 45
The first to appear in the dock were Sam Parry and the members of his Armoured Resistance Unit. They all stood to attention in their Sunday best, their chests resplendent with shiny campaign medals, these warriors of Littlehampton. They stood there smartly awaiting the Magistrates verdict.
The Mayor, presiding as Chairman of the Magistrates, coughed to clear his throat, then paused for a moment to let those in the dock realise the severity of their actions.
‘Gentlemen!’ He said, ‘I realise that you misguidedly thought that you were saving our town from an invasion by the Zombies, but this was not the case, however you acted not on your own behalf but to protect your friends and neighbours, and for that I must commend you, but from now on, No more heroics or I will be forced to give you a custodial sentence, Do you understand!’ he raised his voice for effect.
The six hero’s in the dock marched off looking very chastened. Sam Parry walked in to the waiting arms of his wife June, who clipped him round the ears and said, ‘You were lucky, so no more of it you silly old bugger!’
The next to appear were the two school hockey teams, who true to form appeared very pristine in their clean school uniforms. and faces freshly scrubbed.
The Mayor, although suppressing a smile, appeared stern and angry, ‘I am led to understand that one of your younger siblings was assaulted and left injured by the roadside by one of the Zombies. In which case, the further attacks on the Zombies were provoked not by you, but by them, in the said case, you have no charges to answer, you are free to go!’ The girls gave the Mayor three cheers and several blew him kisses, much to his amusement.
Then it was the turn of Maude James and her ladies from the Women’s Institute, who rather than being contrite, appeared carrying placards saying ‘Womans Lib Rules’ and ‘Girl Power’ Not a really great idea, considering the circumstances. The Mayor who was infuriated by this gesture, quickly made his feelings known, ‘Ms James, this is a Magistrates court, not some kind of political forum, If I were you I would take your ladies and placards rapidly out of the building, Before I charge you all with contempt’ Maude and her followers rapidly left the court.
The last to appear was the Nun, Sister Marie – Therese, who was apparently charged with assaulting one of the Zombies causing actual bodily harm. The Mayor, once again clearing his throat said, ‘Have I got this right, The Police are charging the Sister here with actual bodily harm, against a Zombie, Unbelievable!’ ‘Sister’ asked the Mayor, ‘What is your defence, do you have one?’ ‘Sir’ explained the sister, ‘That creature was attacking one of my smaller charges, it was my Christian duty to intervene, I admit I may have been a little heavy handed, I only use what the Lord Provided’ ‘Fair Comment!’ stated the Mayor, ‘All charges dropped!’
And that signalled the end of the Zombie fiasco, but not the end of Littlehampton’s financial problems. The council still had to find a way to bring money or business to the town or they would all go under, both councillors and residents alike. Something must be done and soon.
(C) Damian Grange 2018